And yet another chapter begins.....

You know the saying that goes "be careful what you wish for, it just might come true?"  Well,  for the longest time I was wishing for freedom from my job, the freedom to not have to go to work 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week, but instead to have more time to figure out what I wanted and to be creative and try and "find" myself I guess.
So, in May 2011, I quit my job of the past 12 years and am now unemployed.  I have LOTS of free time.  Granted, all summer I was extremely busy with school, having a full time class schedule, but I was not having to go to work, which was fabulous.   My usual spot was in front of my computer either doing algebra problems or learning how to use the various Office 2007 programs.  Sometimes I was studying anatomy pictures.  Most of the time I wasn't alone.  My cat, Stormy, always feels the need to be in my line of vision.  The photo below is a typical view of what I was looking at a lot of the time in the past 3 months.

The semester is now over and I have 2 more finals to take, then a couple weeks til Fall semester classes start.   One would think I'd be all relaxed and ready to just enjoy the break.  No, not me.  I have to be Ms. Worry Wart Second Thoughts.   I am constantly worrying if I did the right thing by quitting, and second guessing myself about what I want to go to school for, and now worried that I will never want to have a real job again.   So, I spend all my "free" time on the web looking for jobs that I don't want, because apparently if I find a job that I could get, I'd feel better about things.  Or something. I'm not quite sure why I am compelled to pour over Craigslist, Regional Help Wanted and CareerBuilder looking for any job that I might have a chance of being hired for.  Perhaps I need medication.  Or counseling.  Or both? 

I actually think that part of my problem is that I have been brainwashed like so many members of free society to think that I MUST have a job and health insurance and a 401 K plan or I am not going to be OK.   When I quit my job, just walked away, so many of my coworkers actually said they wished they could quit.  There was always a "but" after that, usually followed by "I need the money," "I can't afford it," "I have to have the health insurance," or, "I'll quit in 20 years when I can get my retirement."

I was of all of those mindsets for a long time, but when my job duties changed drastically over the course of about 6 months and signs pointed to them not ever going back to the way I liked things, I decided I just couldn't see myself doing that for the next 20 years til I could retire.   It was a completely different mindset than I'd ever had before, but one born out of desperate unhappiness.  Once I really began realizing I had to get out of there, I began coming up with ideas to make that possible.  School and a new career path became the plan.   Getting rid of extra debt and cutting back on monthly expenses started the ball rolling, and having a bit of savings and being eligible for a bit of student loan money finalized the process.  So here I am nearly 3 months later, not missing working at all, but feeling desperate that I should be working.   Sometimes I wish my brain had an off button.   I need to ponder this more and maybe I'll be able to come to some sort of mental compromise with myself.  stay tuned....